Musings As I Ponder my Faith
by kat-tak
Summary: I was just wondering about faith issues
1. Thoughts

Little musings on my faith and the world  
  
Random wanderings of my mind that I decided to post, hoping someone might help me with some of my questions  
  
Doesn't the world ever make you wonder about where it's heading? The world's full of all these diseases, wars, famines etc. We (the world) also seems to contradict itself. Do you remember back in kindergarten when we were always told to be nice to others, to share etc. then when we get older, the message we're getting is to work for your own benefit, then after that, you can help others. It's time's like this when I think about the world this way that I almost think that Lois Lowry's utopian yet totally controlled world in The Giver would be better.  
  
Am I the only one who ever doubts there faith a bit when you see friends or people that you know are Christian, yet they act so. well I can't describe it other than unchristian like.  
  
I go to a Catholic school, yet I feel like the people there'll prosecute me if I talk about Jesus. Or, they'd just ignore me and think that I'm semi crazy, talking about something that can't be seen or proven to exist in a way that they'd believe. A few people believe that he exists; yet they don't see what the big deal is.  
  
I'm also starting doubt my faith in him a lot. I believe that he was born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried so that sins could be forgiven and on the third day, rose and is seated at the right hand of the father. But I'm starting to doubt. My mind just asks me little questions at random times like 'why is sin so bad?' 'Supposedly God is stronger than the devil, so why did Jesus have to suffer? Why couldn't God just say 'when you believe wholly in me and live for me, your sins will be forgiven?'  
  
I worry for my faith. I believe that he came; yet I've never really been on fire for him. Only when pretty close friends ask about Christianity can I ever try to kind of explain but even then, I can't explain. I hear all this about prayer and the Holy Spirit, often, I feel like I'm just talking to myself.  
  
I really don't know what to do. I really feel like my faith's being choked.  
  
In Junior High Bible Study, the teacher was explaining the Gospel lesson (oh I forget which verses they were, it was a while ago) and she was saying something along the lines of 'If there's nothing between your faith, something about how you start to follow the example of Christ and be nicer to the people around you. If there's something between you and Him, you tend to not be as nice (I think that's around what she said, only she said something deeper). Personally, I consider it as a warning sign with my faith when I thought about it. I've been trying to be nice to others, yet. well let's say that I failed that.  
  
Well I really should go to bed right now. hopefully someone helps answer my questions and please NO FLAMES!!! Sorry if this is kind of disorganised. All I wrote is my thoughts and if I happened to insult anybody somehow, I'm sorry! 


	2. More Thoughts

More Ponderings.  
  
Thanks to anyone's who's reviewed.  
  
I really wonder. I know there's more to life than I see at face value every day.  
  
I mean, there has to be. Why else would people when given the choice between getting shot or deny their faith, they choose to get shot.  
  
I've never trusted anything or anyone enough to do any near that. That they'd be there.  
  
Have you ever tried this: You have a friend behind you that you know will catch you and is strong enough to and they know what you're doing. You fall backwards and they'll catch you and gradually they make the distance you fall slightly closer and closer to the ground. (You don't fall that far. Only about 30 centimetres backwards at most, most times.) I can't even trust my best friends to catch me.  
  
It's pretty strange at school. I go to a Catholic school, but I'm not Catholic, I'm Lutheran, yet me and my other Lutheran friends there, we know more about what we talk about in religion class about some type of Catholic stuff, then the people who're actually Catholic themselves. (The reason that I go to a Catholic school, yet I'm not Catholic is that my town's small enough that the only options are Catholic schools or public schools.  
  
That's actually pretty discouraging.  
  
I've heard a lot of people talk about living their faith and Christians surround me all the time, yet I've never actually seen them doing what I consider 'living their faith'. (A/N I consider 'living their faith' something along the lines of acknowledging that they're Christians, if you ask or talk about anything along the lines of Christianity, they might say something. Well something along those lines.)  
  
Well, actually after thinking about it, there's one guy that seems to really 'live his faith'. He's an ex pastor at my church.. But I haven't seen too many people like him before. Well, I just realized that I'm rambling and have been rambling on for the last little while.  
  
Thanks for reading this anybody who's gotten this far. PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME! I'm merely expressing my thoughts. That's all! 


End file.
